Sunday, May 21, 2006

CMMi Training - (My) Agenda

This was a two days training which earned a lot of my curse as it arrogantly intruded into my private weekends without permission.

The agenda of the training (which is a curtain raiser before we implement CMM in our company) is as follows:

  • 9 AM - 9 15 AM - Intro by the KPMG trainer
  • 9-15 AM - 10 AM - Introduction to CMM Levels
  • 10 AM - 10:03 AM - A raincheck on the dressing sense of participants (especially on the disappointing sense of fashion of select few)
  • 10-03 AM - 10-20 AM - Interactive session with KPMG trainer on SEPG (Software Engineering Practice Group) and their role in internal audits
  • 10-20 AM to 10-30 AM - A quick mental replay of NDTV Health snippet on Back Ache and ergonomics
  • 10-30 AM - 10-45 AM - Tea break
  • 10-45 AM to 10-50 AM- An anatomical comparision of the unfamiliar techlead in the CMMi training session with ex-girl friend
  • 10-50 AM - 11 AM - Practice Areas under CMM Level 2 and Level 3
  • 11 AM to 11-01 AM - A cursory check on how people look figuratively when looked from back, with oiled heads exposed well in tubelight illumination
  • 11-01AM to 11-15 AM - The difference between CMM Level 2 and Level 3 expectations in terms of setting and adhering to practice area tasks
  • 11-15 AM to 11-30 AM - Where IPPD would be applicable and how different it is from SE /SW
  • 11-30 AM to 11-40 AM - A self introspection on failed relationships
  • 11-40 AM to 11-45 AM - Subjective and Biased evaluation of questions asked by irritating colleagues
  • 11-45 AM - 11-50 AM - Unwanted, Unplanned yet executed bio-break
  • 11-50 AM - 12 Noon - Clueless observation of intellectually arrogant hara-kiri between senior management and the trainer on whether principles of XP can be fitted without omissions into CMM template
  • 12-00 Noon - 12-02 - A casual analysis of why his butt is so protruding
  • 12-02 PM to 12-03 - A silent sigh of dismay thinking about Kaavya Viswanathan for her dubious endeavour with "How Opal Got Kissed, Got Wild and Got a Life"
  • 12-04-12-07 PM - Role of SEPG in defining process routines specific to our company
  • 12-07 PM - 12-30 PM - Tailoring guidelines for CMM Level 3
  • 12- 30 PM - 12-35 PM - Explosive orientation of dark, underground unionistic tendencies to coerce and collect participants' voice for lunch break
  • 12- 35 PM - 12-39 PM - Countless recounts of number of lines in a slide and a mental calculation of time taken for each line by the trainer and multiplication with the number of lines to arrive at the 90% confidence limits for when the lunch break would be!
  • 12-40 PM - An attempt to restrict physical movements to synchronize eye contact with a female colleague to make it look like a natural courtesy question, when I would ask her for lunch

I am not sure if anyone would be so honest about their value intakes in such highly important initiatives where the company ends up paying through their larynx and alveoli.But aren't all meetings having similiar agendas at least for the participants?

Then why bother giving us a print out of the training booklet with the first page being agenda? We already know it..LOL

This post is my tribute to those who have lost countless weekends in the name of training for the middle management (a.k.a suckers who have to do the grunt work of implemetation, when the boss can happily read about Preity Zinta's outfit in Cannes film festival and more to my irk, write comments for that article!)


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