Thursday, October 09, 2008

PEsTS

Tiger, Caeser, Pluto, Raja or even Ganguly. However you may name it. But a dog is a dog is a dirty dog.

You can have prime time news on orphaned dogs with eyes gleaming with artificial tears with soft mozzart music in the background or have economically dressed and abundantly blessed young women volunteering to stick an "I love dogs..so I married one" sticker in my car.
I will be unmoved...or so I thought till my life turned like a dog's tail.
1. It seems like important to me, to not become the "hot dog" for my neighbor's ferocious 5 ft dog, no matter how I like my "Pets are Pests" principle. My wife's cooking hasnt made me fat enough yet to donate a pound a day, I come in close encounters with the ferocious, soon-to-be-tortured-by-neighbor dog.
Keeping safety in mind I do "tsoo..tchoo...doggy kanna...mayraandi..come on" with that dog (Miranda is the name and I vent out with my own transliteration.)
2. Its good to know that almond cookies and strawberry cakes are not made only for human consumption. However cheap and inviting such food is, if its meant for dogs, the attempt should cease there and not at the billing counter. Its not very "feel good" to have the cashier warning you about the possible side effects of eating dog cookies
3. Its perhaps important to save the marriage. You dont want to suggest a dog's bedding set for your wife's relatives citing "comfort and coziness" however ignorant you were about the fact that it was meant for dogs.
4. The stern optimist I am, I also see this as a way to connect to wealthy retired couples in my neighborhood who in their will have written that all their worth, including the cadillac belongs to the bloody pug they own. I will make it follow wherever they go in a few years and become the gaurdian of that wealth. Looks like all it takes to be proven as a gentleman in this part of the world is to say "Such a cute cat. What's her blessed name?"
If you want to try my ways, subscribe to pedigree email newsletter which comes from tommythewonderdog@pedigree.com. I even suggest a book titled "Dog language for dummies". Yes, the same yellow book series which teaches "How to email" in 50 pages with unnecessary anecdotes.You can also order by mail, another book that will teach "Dog language to English" which comes with a free audio cassette for phonetics. If you think I am exaggerating, check this!

Monday, October 06, 2008

Sad Post

This is some ESP. Just in the last post, I gave an elaborate and shameless self promotion abouting my writing and blogging (which as per recent survey 1,34,5,6,745,784 other people do). I also know that blogging is as prevalent and abused as toilet napkins are.
I really feel sorry and ashamed to have written such a promotional scam about myself.
If all this will please the powers-that-be in the google owned blogspot.com, please return my template back!
Damn!
All I wanted to do was to make my template look as refreshing, crisp and vibrant like the author ...sorry...i wont indulge in s.s.p again.
(No relevant image or tag or the super smart "x of my fans were here" comments or "who visited searching for me in google" kind of jing bangs. Sorry, my template is as old as manisha koirala)
Give my template back!!!
(PS to P : I have written several profound and funny posts. Never got a comment from you. Gah...insulted that you commented on my template's demise)
PPS : In the world of instant coffee, instant karma, instant starch and instant suicide (J K Ritees), I should have believed in instant answer of prayers...My template is restored and now..wait in shock and awe as I unleash such torturous looking templates on you.
 

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