I came here to write something funny. I have somethings funny to do, to say and to write. Thankfully I never run of them and I guess I never would.
But today its not about any of them. It's about my apprehensions.
I like reading stories after knowing the end. I watch movies only when I like the story.I dont mind reading the last page or seeing a few scenes before deciding. Purpose is very important for me. Be it movies,books or life.
It's this fixation to a purpose that tires me these days. I am what i am.I cannot be any different in this case. But right now and for the past few years the purpose of my professional life has largely been under-served or under-nourished. From great initiatives to absolute disillusionment- I've been through them all. From greatest men to wastrels - I've worked under them all and showed awe and fake-nods equally sincerely.I've chased dreams just to be disturbed in between. I've already spent half a decade doing largely nothing & occassionally well.
I've been a great leader, beloved boss, amazing friend. I've learnt. I've taught. I've inspired.I've been inspired.I've slogged. I've shown promise. I delivered.
In spite of all this, I was never interested and never achieved the greats I wish I had.I've not seen the world beyond my fences, nor have I dared much. I have not earnt the best fortunes. I promise myself every year to make the coming year different and deservingly better. But I have never been able to do that.
There has been a persistent "wait and watch" happening. Like the books I read or movies I watch, I am not able to turn to the cover to know what's in store and then go through the motion and enjoy it. Unfortunately the life story unfolds only one living second at a time. I'm impatient to be without control over the future and control over my life.
They say the only way is to work hard. They never say "Till when?" or "Till What?" and "To get what?"
Life has more questions than answers now.
