Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Prequel to a Seemandham!

Caution: This is a long post. If your bladder is full, you may be called "A man/woman of immense wisdom" for once in your life, for clearing it before reading this post.

A year of relocation, scandals and recessions later, if I look back proudly, the only productive thing I had done was to sow the seed (note the singularity in it) for a mega-show of our lives. "Ramasamy (Re)Productions" proudly announced a new project a.k.a kid on the making. After a couple of years of evolving through various stages like "^&* for dummies, career unsettled unsamalifications, "try panindu thaan irukoms" to parents, the project went live.

With such historically important achievements, its just natural that we get together as a family, adequately (ginormously and gigantically) represented by kith,kin and everything! The flight was un-eventful, but for the amazing demonstration of gastronomic pull displayed by my wife, aptly reasoned by the baby she was incubating. Acceptable reasons apart, I wont be surprised if the airlines beats the global trend in declaring a profit this quarter, with my wife's generosity in buying all liquids, solids and in between that could be eaten. Wife: Keep up! Lets raise a tarzan!

We landed in the ende keralam high class urinarium a.k.a trivandrum airport. As usual the chief medical oooficer (the malayali "O") handed over a form asking us to swear on God Malayala Bhagavadhi that we dont have sali, pitham, swine flu. We all did. Some did with a sneeze, some did it with pitha vaayu. We all then proceeded to the queue for immigration, which is only slightly better managed than kalaivani theatre which was recently visited by Chechi Shakeela for its wholesale patronage to her movies.

At this point I make a mental note that I need to change my passport photo. In those days when I dint have any resemblence to Surya, I had the passport done. The immigration "O"fficers refuse to believe that i am the same guy on the photo and not a cheap impersonator on the loose. I had to sing a low octave draggin note interspersed in my english to make him believe that I am afterall a ambil malayali who cannot do any harm.

With that, a few annoying hops to reach the luggage and an amuzement at the lack of courtesy among fellow indians later, we left the urinarium a.k.a airport. Shook hands with dad and his friend who offers normally to drive the car (the second hand shake was lethal, realized only later when my eyes burnt of snuff particles). The car was woefully unprepared like the srilankan batsmen facing the delhi pitch. The 30+30+8+8 kgs suitcases and rmkv free bags realistically need an over-speeding ARC parcel service container with the anumar branded logo. Instead i trusted my own indian ingenuity and my dad's. The latter was the problem. My dad and his friend had quietly hatched a plan to revolutionize munnirpallam's information ecosystem with an imported first generation Pentium I processor "powered" desktop monument and chose pricisely that day to ship the contraption in the same car. With a couple of botched attempts make everything co-exist, the car speaker fell apart. When things dont go together, be it telengana or the luggage, its better to keep them apart.There are somethings money can't buy. For car speakers and everything else, there is my mother's SBI ATM card kept safe in its card cover, kept safe safe in (what else) GRT handbag!

Mammoty and yesudas kept irritating with oft-repeated words like ambalam, punsiri, madhuram, pranayam etc in an annoying song after song sequence in FM till I mustered enough energy to tell appa's friend mama to shut the music system (which I realized he dint know how to). I discovered some acrobatic skills in reaching out to the music system from the back and had to re-repeat it till we reached home, as I tried in vain to force the A/c to behave and not fog the vision of the driver who already drove like villan adiyaal drivers in movie climax scenes.

Thank God, my dad's adamant yet right belief that tying neem leaves around the stomach of my pregnant wife, would save her from the evil did work. She did survive the road rage.
---Prequel Ends---

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