Wednesday, August 24, 2011


So everyone and his armpit has an ipad now. Seriously. Where else can you snug it in, so conveniently? I don't own an iPod or iPhone yet and I married my wife because she had an iPod classic 5 years back. So the closest thing I have that in the "i" series, is the 2011 edition of "I"yyappan kovil mega-sweetened panchamirtham, quietly decaying in our saami alamar.

Couple of months ago, I had my 'i' moment, when I decided that I need to own an "i" thing, since I plan to become a web entrepreneur and all that. (ssapppa..evlo "i" in one sentence). This was in Singapore and I was in SimLim, PingPong, MengMong sounding markets, scouting for something that is "i". In such searches, if you are an accomplished snob, you would take a friend who has not exactly been keeping track of you for a while. Those who do, how much of a cheap fellow you are. So I found such a friend just for that day, who I haven't met for 10 years now.

With the stage set, I leaned against the whitish minimal display rack that had air (not the O2 type, the mac one, you bugger) and other such candyfloss stuff. The only thing I know about mac is its all white in color and the mouse doesn't have a right click. When the continuous 40 degree leaning pose created stress on the spine, I would turn to the next gadget and ask the sales girl to go through its arumai, perumais.

During the course, I did not mind throwing a couple of teasers like "I can pay by cash", "What if I buy both macbook air and an iPad", much to tempt the sales girl and irritate my friend. All one stone-two mangoes funda.

Finally the moment did arrive and I flipped open my previous company donated blackberry and made a call to my cousin, going over the specs for the iPad. The deal was sealed thusly:

Me: Ashok, they have 32 GB iPad 2 3G

Ashok: What color?

Me: Black

Ashok: Will they give free cover?

I tried a free cover petition to the chinese manager and he said " nanching accent". If you want you take la. No problem la if you dont want.

Me: Ashok, andha scheme pona vaaram..naama vandhadhu indha vaaram.

Ashok: I see. USB stick tharuvana kettu paaru (Ask if he will give USB stick free)

Me: No da. I am with my friend.
Besides we are buying 'Ipad'. So we cannot negotiate only da.

At the end of it, I paid through my platinum credit card and bought the iPad. My friend asked "Dei apo onakku?" (What for you?)

No dude. I have no space in my luggage (traveling by Tiger airways). So when i come the next month, I am planning to by Macbook Air.


Back in India, I drove to my cousin's house, had some filter coffee, delivered the iPad which for the life of it, he could not figure how to boot!

2 weeks later, my cousin said "Vangiyaachu. Adhnala youtube pakren..Mupthathanjaayiram kuduthu DVD player vangirka vendam"

So now, you know why I dont own iThings.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Change the name, I Say

There are some names that have to be changed, like Rakhi Sawant, Kapil Sibal, A.Raja to something less contrived than what the people behind have lent to the names. But Poschim Bongo? It somehow makes me feel that it means "Pichkaav my bum". With all literariness and poetic juice, all they could do is come up with Pos-rofl-chim bon-haha-go?

Let me suggest a few (only slightly better) names for states/people that want to change the name for the heck of it:

Tamilnadu - Kalthonri-manthonra-munthonriya-mooththakudi-pore (we can't convert Chennai to Singapore. lets at least have a "pore" sounding state)

Andhra Pradesh - Chiranjeevilu-airveenai-dance-bradesulu

Kerala - kovil-barebody-police-ooopisar-thirunal-varma-il

North India - Amit-upon-paan-spitland (like London upon thames. Asingathlayum weightu)

Since there is a newness about 'South Sudan', the 'North Sudan' has to become 'North Noodaan'?. A taliban mulla says they would rename "Pa-kis-tan" to "Pa-No Kiss -tan". After the credit rating fiasco the US of A should consider naming itself "USAAA+". Then on S&P would have no way to take AAA+ rating from the US.

Of course its not all jokes. If there can be something good from a name change, we are all for it (like karai nalladhu). Columbia can do with thelivuya as a new name. New thelivu in that country means no gang wars. But we wont say the same about Syria. They are already crying of civil war that if someone can make them "Siri"ya, it could go a long way in healing. But Sirilanka has to be Verilanka, right?


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