Thursday, October 09, 2008

PEsTS

Tiger, Caeser, Pluto, Raja or even Ganguly. However you may name it. But a dog is a dog is a dirty dog.

You can have prime time news on orphaned dogs with eyes gleaming with artificial tears with soft mozzart music in the background or have economically dressed and abundantly blessed young women volunteering to stick an "I love dogs..so I married one" sticker in my car.
I will be unmoved...or so I thought till my life turned like a dog's tail.
1. It seems like important to me, to not become the "hot dog" for my neighbor's ferocious 5 ft dog, no matter how I like my "Pets are Pests" principle. My wife's cooking hasnt made me fat enough yet to donate a pound a day, I come in close encounters with the ferocious, soon-to-be-tortured-by-neighbor dog.
Keeping safety in mind I do "tsoo..tchoo...doggy kanna...mayraandi..come on" with that dog (Miranda is the name and I vent out with my own transliteration.)
2. Its good to know that almond cookies and strawberry cakes are not made only for human consumption. However cheap and inviting such food is, if its meant for dogs, the attempt should cease there and not at the billing counter. Its not very "feel good" to have the cashier warning you about the possible side effects of eating dog cookies
3. Its perhaps important to save the marriage. You dont want to suggest a dog's bedding set for your wife's relatives citing "comfort and coziness" however ignorant you were about the fact that it was meant for dogs.
4. The stern optimist I am, I also see this as a way to connect to wealthy retired couples in my neighborhood who in their will have written that all their worth, including the cadillac belongs to the bloody pug they own. I will make it follow wherever they go in a few years and become the gaurdian of that wealth. Looks like all it takes to be proven as a gentleman in this part of the world is to say "Such a cute cat. What's her blessed name?"
If you want to try my ways, subscribe to pedigree email newsletter which comes from tommythewonderdog@pedigree.com. I even suggest a book titled "Dog language for dummies". Yes, the same yellow book series which teaches "How to email" in 50 pages with unnecessary anecdotes.You can also order by mail, another book that will teach "Dog language to English" which comes with a free audio cassette for phonetics. If you think I am exaggerating, check this!

3 of my fans were here!:

Revathi on 12:18 AM said...

Ha ha ha ha!! hilarious!!
mayraandi!! ROFL ROFL!! :D
i like dogs but i still cant fathom why people would go completely ga ga over dogs. i mean apparently in london they have foster care for dogs. if u r rich and lonely, u can "foster" a dog and feed it clothe it etc. eeeeks!! save humanity first i say. the dog population can look after itself!! :P

P.S: why do u moderate onoda fans oda comments??? afraid some of ur old GFs would start leaving *ahem* comments which M wouldn't appprove of?? :P

P said...

hey shruthi.. didnt you know why ashwin moderates comments? tch i though by now you were abreast of whats happening! there was this certain female species who was quite diligent in leaving her mark in every post of his.. along with her signature in blood and stuff.. sigh!!! the old romance lingers!!! i wont be surprised if this comment is moderated too!

Anonymous said...

@ Younger and the "now much older" devils:

I moderate. (Read: Moderate). I have to moderate because some of my fans tend to get very emotional about my writings and supply their blood in gallons for my new red template. To avoid a mass genocide and soften the impact of raging passion of my fans, I have to moderate.

Does this complete acceptance make both of your days?

 

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