Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Elimination Round - Ideal Girl - Part 1

Preethi today asked me for my idea of an ideal match (The marriage type). Thinking of it, more than what kind of a girl I may like, there are many creatures I just would kill with a "HIT SPRAY" if I ever had the license. :)

First category is what I call as the neo-ramba girls. You can see them in college, office everywhere. No one except the "oh-its-been-a-long-time-since-I-saw-a-girl" guys go near them. This species oozes the oomph with extra large dangling ear rings, Revlon shades, cheap saravana stores jeans with embroidery on it and those really loud (color) and extremely noisy tuk tuk heel shoes. Just as you are stuck for words looking at their profoundly repulsive demeanour they reciprocate with "Chee, enna yen pa apdi pakre...enaku oru maariya vardhu" look. WTF?

The second category is "lovelace forever". They are very nice people. They are always there for you, feeling extra large for you. Hayoyo enada thalai le thoosi and wipes it off for you. SMS'es you with "Life is like a river. You are a goldfish. I am a dolphin" kinda message and expects you to reply with a "Sucha sweet girl you are" sms. She knows your ringtone, she remembers its time for you to pay the electricity bills, she even sms'es you to check the road on both sides before you cross.Before you realize, she knows everything about you. You can just walk straight and ask her, how many more deep breaths should I take to meet my average oxygen intake for every friday and she will have an answer. You never know. She perhaps knows. They call you by every name including babli, chintu, tintin, ashu, asho or sweetypie..that you come back home and shout in front of the mirror "ashwin" "ashwin" "ashwin" a hundred times, to feel how nice and relieved it sounds. Its all bubbly-giggly but they just dont get the point that one doesnt need to salvage the entire time, every ounce of energy and self-respect to "take care" of a guy. They are nice, lovely but carry zero magnetism

The third is ultra-pack. For these chics everything is larger than life. They exchange "Hi" with a rub of cheek and a kiss in the air, even if its just our good old besi beach, they are meeting in. They know how to wear a 9 yard saree with glass work and still manage to reveal everything. I can watch Antony Bourdain of "No reservations" eat live octopus. But I will puke if I sit with these chics for 10 minutes. They are adventurous in every sense of the word. They can tell between tasmac and a cognac which is 18th century brewed. They talk hard rock and metal.They drive custom made jeeps with 10 absolutely drunk guys in it whom she would have just met through yet another common friend whom she met the last week for the first time. (This is no exaggeration. I sadly happened to be with such a gang for precious half n hour of my 31 dec 2006)

The fourth category is Kartavya girls. They all look the same. There is only one way you can take them to orgasm - by taking them through a hypnotism spell and walk them through redmont seattle Microsoft office and show that they work there as a geek with the Vista OS in 2007. They would like "Java User Group - Code Marathon" t-shirt to Swarowski crystals. They shut down their eyes to sleep, reboot to wake up, fragement the bread for breakfast, disk cleanup their scooties, go to office in run time, take command(s) prompt-ly. Huff...enough said..
For all these complications, there is one category of girls, I just fall for. It takes one full post to write about them. Thats on Part II..

6 of my fans were here!:

Bhargavi on 8:00 AM said...

hmmm.. Ideal Gal - An interesting Post.

I will reserve my comments for the Part II :)

Revathi on 9:07 PM said...

hey good one..ever since i read ur blog i have been grouping all the women i see into either category 1 or 2 or 3...for those whom i am not able to group i will wait for part II!!:):)

Ashwin on 8:33 AM said...


Part II would never come I guess..Looks like a despo if I start writing about ideal girl and all that..and slightly hypocratic also

Haha...Same sh%^ here...Me and Preethi started evaluating our office non-males and to me it looks like everyone belongs to this neo-ramba pack..stopped vocally commenting as we get this wierd look at office (Who are these two creatures that laugh arbit-ly)

And BTW why is it so hard to spot these "without no frills" type...They either end up being type 1 2 3 or 4 or they end up being preethi

Anonymous said... must be without frills

Bhargavi on 9:39 AM said...

He he... truzee:)

So here you go with the comments!

A real MCP kind of post :D - so watch out a WCP kind, I might come up with it shortly ;)

But the categories you coined - superrrrrrrrr

Especially the neo-ramba category - jean with thread designs on it and accessories these gals were - Golusu, cut shoes - Oh my god - they should have been in NIFT or designing costumes for Pagents :P

Lovelace forever - enna peru - naalavanga too the core they are! But have not seen many of this kind. Nalavanga Nalavanga kooda thaan mix aaguvaanga - nee ellam ennaku friend aah irrukum boothu eppadi ennaku indha category la friends.. lol..

Ultra Pack - wooph! Have seen many of these kind - Snobbish - just cannot stand these chicks.

Karthavya Gals - smart ones - they wouldn’t have got buddies like me illati avangalayum accused aakiduvom la :D..

Bhargavi on 9:44 AM said...

If at all you right a part II you can just make it an one liner

The name of the scapegoat alias Mrs Ashwin.. lol


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