Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Adakku Moocha-va Ammuku-number a

My Opees is in a sort of an IT/Commercial park. Ulaga cakoos varalatril mudhdhdhal murayagha..the management has come up with an ingenious idea..to install a security system for our toilet!!!
You punch in a secret code and the door opens for you to pee, whenever you want, however you want and how much ever you want!
However crooked and perverted my mind is, I am still unable to decipher the code..er..the reasoning behind this 'break'through idea!
My guesses -
  1. Management has an "Appa Rao" or "Venkatesa Prasad" who has seen Dasavatharam recently. Toilets are the best source of NaCl (Ask your chemistry professor how to extract NaCl from Uric acid) and it is important to secure any source of NaCl. Like Green buildings, may be the idea here is to launch the world's first "Bio weapon proof building"..Ena ezhavo!
  2. If someone with an urge to pee can wait, punch a code and then get it, it probably means he/she is patient and will not leave the sink soiled. The impatient can odhungify under a tree or transformer!
  3. Some pharma company is in a major conspiracy to sell water as memory plus tonic. More you want to pee, lesser you forget the code to the toilet door. So people remember the best when their bladder is full. So lets make people's bladder full by making them drink water. Lets brand it memory plus tonic and have viswanathan anand or "yar manasila yaru" mama as the brand ambassador. You get their point?
  4. Probably without our consent those of us who know the code are now a part of a secret society called "Kutha veikra klan" (like Ku Klux Klan)

Enavo...I havent seen a more Kenai-ish policy than asking people to remember a code to be eligible to pee..Mathavaalam ena bed pan-oda varanuma office-ku? What if a customer (OMG...my customer's CIO is coming to office this month end! Should I whisper "%^$#" in his ears and help him pee, at the same time preseving the integrity of the code?).

The absent minded principal (nangalam professor range-ku erangi varanum nu laa edhirpakkapdadhu) I am, I would never remember the code. In fact the Janitor room next to this shit hole, came to my rescue this week.

I forgot the code and in alpaasai entered my HDFC pin number in the door security system. Elam ore karumam thane nu..Shit dint work..

Janitor woman came out and said "Nay Nay Nay Nay"..I drew a blank look being unable to make out if it was "Naaye Naaye Naaye Naaye...code therilena onaku laam edhukuda dumdekkaai (childhood term for alpa sankyai apparatus a.k.a kunjaan) or she meant "Nay Nay you are not destined to pee today. You're an outcast". Or did she mean " Code theriyadha onaku, onnuku edhuku?:. I then realized she actually told me the code "Nine Nine Nine Nine". How timely? What a help? By then my eyes turned moist! (Backlash from the bladder to the eyes). Thank You Ma'am for all you just did...you dont know how 'relieved I am'!

I dont understand the side effects of this new system. I know some things will never be the same

  • I relate better with my collegues and fellow business-center mates. The brethern that shares the code to relief and instant gratification.
  • The code makes me feel secure..Even if there is bio war or alien invasion (that which happens only in the US) the code will protect me from the rest of the world (though only when I am there to Pee)
  • If I pee, it means I have remembered something complicated. It proves to me that I can remember things, many times a day and at challenging situations and react to the situations in lightning fast manner (I can become a basket ball team coach)
  • I belong to a sophisticated generation created by NASA called Generation-P, which pees in a conditioned fashion only in response to a code. So we are ready to be the first batch of permanent settlers in moon

For the rest of the mortal world to which peeing is literally an "open and shut" case, here we come - the bladder bonds of the future - code 9999.

3 of my fans were here!:

Revathi on 4:54 AM said...

Ha ha ha ha ha!! Jeez man!! That was one LAUGH riot. seriously. every line i was like ROFL!!! :D:D. and you are serious.:O:O!! you actually gotta punch in a code before u get to relieve urself?? i mean at least if its access card shit, its ok because u dont have to r'ber anything. but being asked to punch in code just to answer nature's call?? hilarious and ludicruos!! whatever will they think of next? cooler la thanni kudikanum na code adi, flight of stairs use pannanum na code adi. and i m sure they will come up with some ingenious idea which says u cant have the same code for all, for security purposes!!
pesama, naa sollaradha pannu. office ku diaper pottundu vandhudu!! :P. indha code nyabagam vechukara yezhavu ku adhuve parvaillai!! ;)

>>Jass<< on 5:26 AM said...

I see you are really proud to be a part of the advance peeing society! Totally Hilarious post!
This proves that anything in the world can be sold!

Mahesh Ramamurthy said...

Having gone through the same troubles, really empathize with you.

Actually, I experienced this first when executing a project at American Express Bank, in Mount Road, Chennai. That was during 1994 !.

 

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