Thursday, August 04, 2005

Can you excuse me? I want to have a paralytic stroke!

I am no married...I am no stay with Family

But I know a lemon will not cost 10 bucks! May be 2 bucks?

More so I know a teaspoon of sugar wont cost 5 bucks ! May be 50 paise?

A glass of water costs nothing..well may be in chennai, I would put 50 paise. Or may be 25 paise?

Alright, if it's refreshingly cold - I swear the ice was taken from the freezer and not specially ordered from Siberia - I will put 1 Re for it.

So I lime juice can cost Rs. 3.50. I like capitalism. So lets give a profit margin of 50%? No lets take 100%.

So a lime juice should cost Rs.7.

Ok I agree its not just about lime jiuce ...its about the experience of sitting in a leather sofa (but soaked with rava dosa oil and idly crumbs)

Heck ! Take another 3 bucks for it.

Lime Juice - Thou shall not cost more than 10 rupees.

Oh..ah..agg...aaahhhh....ammaaaa...oh..I feel like fainting...call the doctor...call the docc...ttt...errrr....

Lime Juice in Chennai costs Rs 17 plus tax of 50 paise.

Which dumb ass will drink it. I did. You would have.They will. I will and you will.

In marketing there is a concept called margin of indifference. Every moth if you see the price of rin soap it will increase (ok, may) by 25 paise or 10 paise...quietly...

You will one day stand up and say - From now on no Rin soap and HLL will fall over its stomach and start crying for its mistakes.

But this never happens and never will....because these are low value stuff and you really dont bother a loss of 1 Re over a year on every Rin soap.
and
This is called margin of indifference. Marketers will reach this indifference limits and then start decresing price, giving discounts etc..

Now..come to Lime Juice...I will never buy lime juice from Sangeetha again..My margin of indifference is breached.

But you know what...We all will never mind even if it pinches...simple reason..we want to be a victim of capitalism and whine about it..becuase...whining gives a chance to self pity and thats one way of telling yourself that you love yourself

You will tell the story of steep price to 10 people and you all will collectively say "tcho tcho" and that makes you feel good for a flash second.

This is why marketing survives and prices sustain.

Yaarange...Order a lime juice..

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Ode on 1st Main Road Gandhinagar

There are something experiences in life that you would never want to miss...

To me a stroll across Gandhinagar 1st Main road is defenitely among the Top 5. I've been there as a student of IIT, wearing attitude up my sleeve, been there as an intelligent yet unemployed guy and still there as an executive burning midnight's CPU power.

The road has changed a lot and has yet preserved itself.


The red platform is a welcome addition and I get the same feeling as I do when I walk through the new platform at besant nagar.



Sangeetha hotel appeared a couple of years back and has filled many hearts through their stomachs.Unrelated employment opportunities like the one for the underground sewage cleaner, who cleans up the mess sangeetha dumps quietly into the system.


This guy works hard and pledges his life to methane and cleans the city, all for 3000 bucks a time...In the same road you see kids and beggars all well trained in getting sympathy out of you.They are all organized and task oriented, as the sewage cleaner is.

The latter thinks life has to have a purpose and is cleaning up the city in his case. The former's purpose is to live...no matter what

A few yards ahead, you se the massive house getting gradually eaten up by time and pollution. The owner, as the termite-ravaged nameboard says, is Roy Vaz (MBBS). Earth in that place costs more than gold.

March a few more yards you have traffic jam...the hotel...its claim to fame is its name and definitely not the food they serve.Craig Chappel for some reason loves this hotel. Every time he is in Chepauk, he asks the camera crew to show the hotel, for its funny name.

The same keralite entrepreneur who owns this hotel also wonts tawau lodge and tea stall. Wondering what tawau means.

The distinctiveness of the 1st main road lies in its dichotomy...The old age entreprenurial/working class face of 1st main road stops with the tawau row of shops...

The new age entrepreneurial/richer class face of 1st main road starts at the ceebros apartment gate...

Oh! How can I miss Krishna sweets and Odyssey on the other side...Krishna sweets is close to my heart. My grandma's sister was up for marriage and her dad was approached by this sweet seller...a poor brahmin guy...

After much of deliberation her dad found the boy promising and the marriage happened. My Grandma and whole of our family cursed the man for the betrayl he did to his daughter. The family struggled and struggled hard for years and slowly built what is now an empire called "Krishna Sweets".

"Entrepreneurial Brahmin" is an oxymoron and I love this offshoot from our family for its forsight, courage and perseverance.

Sharing the wall is Yamaha motors....a dying retialer for a dying brand...The first time i took my enticer there, I hd thoughts of taking it back without serviceing. Japanese mess is again an oxymoron and I hate Yamaha for being an exception.

Go past the nicely laid out bus stop adjoining the platform and step down to your left...you are at odyssey, which shares a wall with Sangeetha.

Odyssey's business is to serve food for your thoughts, hobbies and disposable income. They have everything that makes you feel good..toys, books, cards, gifts etc.

The owner is again Ashwin...If you want to see who live in Adyar, come here. Adyar is not a place its a community of well mannered and proud first-generation rich people.Odyessey is a snapshot of adyar.

Lets now move a little fast as the sewage guy is at work...The road stinks...If you wanna window shop at dollars and pounds, you can excuse youself...while you are at it buying inexpensive duplicates of cult brands there, let me avoid the smell of sewage and negotitate my way through the beggars..

Oh No! This is 2000th time am being sold the idea of having an oxford dictionary. This elevator pitch is so good, yet so mechanical. If only this inappropriately well dressed young men apply their minds, they will have a good career. They have good english and they are selling wares in the street.
What stops them from appraoching a BPO? Its not skill buddy, its about enterprise....

Ok..when you were walking down after your purchase at Dollars and Pounds, dont miss me...am sitting in that cute cement bench outside titan showroom, seeing amir khan "rising" high with his titan ad looks.

Come lets have a bite at foodworld...Lemme take sweet corn and Frankie...What do you have? Suzzane's burger there is not bad at all...and would you complain if all the good looking teens of adyar are cramped along with you in that 50 sq ft bakery?

But yeah I agree..when you are there, you also have to put up with the mass urinal that the bus stand is...the gypsy family there never seems to complain..so are the people residing in the posh flats right oppostie to the mass urinal...

Thankfully their neighbours have a sense of hygiene and oh ya , a good sense of money too...Never mind if their antique building is dozed to ground to leave way for a new apartment...They now can live in yet another posh locality without ay guilt of having erased a landmark...and they wont need to face the stink of the urinal.

There are still a few meters in this road...covered by Mr.G, Nuts and Spices, Naidu hall, Kumarakom and the likes.

Mr.G is a pasta shop buried underground. I bet you wont find it even if you try...Nuts and Spices is not buried literally, but yeah figuratively...

Kumarakom rocks...If you are a keralite, you have to be here. If you are not a kerlaite, ou still got to be there. If not for the food, lend your ears to this upcoming singer/owner of the hotel. I wish God is kind to him and gives him 50 more years. Let him have a second chance at singing, he has not tasted success in his first 50.

Naidu hall...This is one place I have never gone to and frankly have no need too ;-)

Also because it takes "two" to tango here ! :-)))

Ok...meendum inooru blog le sandhikalam..adhuku munaadi....breeaak..

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Random Haha

Yesterday Praveen , our tech lead was interviewing a girl. He was asking her to define "classes" (some tech shit).

She said its a "bluefilm" instead of "blueprint". (Here imagine the yahoo roll and laugh smiley.Thats how I laughed hearing this)

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BigMan saw squirrel girl's butt cleavage in the office and smiled. Chinki girl saw that and is blackmailing him for a chocolate...Long live Indian culture!

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BigMan's cousin has come from Milan... Oops..he is Milan and he has come from London to India for the first time for internship.

Sad..romba paavam. He never knew he is coming all the way from London to collect leads from the net (100 a day) for my sales team. What a waste of time, Milan...

Moreover he is going through a few dilemmas
  • Are the mosquitos in BigMan's room potent enough to kill him? Should he just ignore them or spray on each tiny one of them?
  • Should he spread the whole tamilnadu bathroom with napkin and then squat to crap?
  • Should he squat or just rely on gravity and stand in the loo?
  • Is a beggar child rude if he does not say thank you when this guy gives him a nestle liquid chocolate?
  • How to eat dosa if the sangeetha hotel guys just refuse fork and knife?

If not anything else, he would know that a world exists without mineral water, napkin rolls, glazed floors and is alive and rocking !!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Microphone

A Sardarni in New York went to a worldwide message centre to send a message to her mother in India. The phirangi guy told her it would cost $100 she exclaimed, "I don't have that kind of money! But I would do anything to get a message to my mother in Punjab-India!" The man arched an eyebrow and asked: "Anything?""Yes, anything!" promises the sardarni. With that, the man said, "Follow me", walked into the next room and ordered, "Come in and close the door."She did. He then said, "Get on your knees." She did. Then he said, "Unzip me." She did. He said, "Go ahead...take it out." She took it out and grabbed hold of it with both hands. The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well...go ahead damn it!" The Sardarni slowly brought her lips closer, and screamed loudly, "Hello...Mummyjee?"

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Prof.Cheatappan's experiential learning lessons

I met Prof. Cheatappan finally. It was a chance encounter.

Like all skilled men he humbled me with his ability to weave an engaging and moving story.

For the "still-confused", am referring to an As*hole of age 50+ i neat shirts and pants who bumped into me on saturday night.

He said he wants to know where oriental bank's ATM is. Its very rare for you and me to know if such a bank exists and I will jump a towel (Thunddu thaandudhal) and say you wont know where its ATMs are.

So Prof. Cheatappan said he wants to go to an ATM or wants money immediately. He had just lost his purse which her very old mom took with her when her bus just moved. He said that he had just 20 bucks and has to go to vellore.

Trust me - He turned his head sideways and said "Who can I ask? I feel ashamed to say I dont have money. I am a professor in vellore college"

That was enough to tickle my senti cells and was into an imaginery scene where i substituted my dad for him.

I readily gave him hundred bucks and gave my address and phone number.

Cheatappan neither called not has he sent money.

Son of a bitch !

I got cheated in money related matter for the first time in my life and asshole used much revered role of a Professor and his old age to exploit me.

Friday, July 01, 2005

My (un)official role

At office am the "Manager - Marketing and Pre-Sales" (It used to be Head of Marketing and Pre-Sales)..I got a promotion letter which "promoted" me from Head of Marketing to Manager Marketing.

Crap by any name is....?

Yeah right answer !!

Ok now my

(Ir)Responsibilites:
Identifying new lines of businesses
Managing the internal PR
Managing external marcom.
Mentoring pre-sales dudes
Managing high value estimates
Follow up with eLearning customers
Do demos that are of importance

My Schedule for a day:

Reach office at 11.30 AM or 12 Noon (depends on how boring or how entertaining TV channels are at the 11 AM slot)

11.30 AM - Start my computer
11.40 AM - Mails download (Most of them are dilbert or some group forwards related to KM a.k.a intellectual masturbation)
11.45 AM - Walk to the other end of the office to fetch water
Till 12.10 - Talk with Bhargavi, Shankar and gang (Typical high energy high nakkals folks)
12.30 - View the most important mail for the day
Till 1.00 PM - Send out some mails and official crap to announce that I have arrived and am working my butt off
1.05 PM - Mom calls - talks for 5 mins
1.10 PM - Go to Sangeeta restaurant for lunch
1 45 PM - Back to office
Till 2.00 PM - Make fun of the day's bakra or be a bakra for some random reason..giggle..laugh and while away time

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Post Lunch Session

2.00 PM to 3.00 PM - Reply for more mails, search for work and try to do them
3.00 Pm to 3.30 PM - Tea Break
3.30 PM - 3.45 PM - Find the post-lunch bakra and spend time on making fun
3.45 PM to 5 PM - Meet my team and review stuff, clean up the shit thats pending for me
5 to 5 30 PM - Check my investment portfolio, check personal mails and go upstairs to sign attendance
5.30 - 6.oo PM - Snack break
6.00 - 7.00 PM _ frantically prepare for some important call that night
7.00 PM - 8 PM - Important calls or generally chatting with the fun gang
8.00 PM tp 9 PM - Dinner break
9 PM - 10 PM - Calls calls and calls
10 PM - view arbitrary stuff - news, jokes, moview reviews etc
10 30 PM to 11 30 PM - Calls in any or do some random shit
12 00 Midnight - Sleep

Varam tharum Vekkaaliyamman

Ayyo or Ayyago !!!

No one is reading my blog or No one is leaving any comment

Here is a ponzi scheme i am announcing. Any one who comments for my blogs will get a few varams from vekkaaliyamman.

If you are trying for master - you will get in MIT

If you are trying to become father - you will get twins

If you are planning to switch jobs - you will get in Microsoft, Redmond - USA

If you are planning to watch a movie - you will get a hero chance in Jeeva's next movie

If you walk in marina - you will be chased by paparrazis

If you go to pizza hut - you will be served sizzlers and paid money to eat and pose for them

If you like a girl - she will shamelessly ask you if you can lay her and you would get a chance to do a tam hero by saying "no, culture yeh woh"

Puleees comment for my post da/di..

I love u da chellam..
 

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