Friday, January 28, 2011

Real estate - Dear Blank Please Blank Inspired

Dear Giver of the house on rent,

Its not pash location or porsh location. Its 'Posh Location'.

Ashwin "disgusted with owners ripping off for creepy calm locations as posh areas" Ramasamy


Dear "Small family" liking house owner,

My family planning cannot be your focus. Instead build a house with wardrobes that can hold more than lingerie.

Ashwin " keeping clothes in suitcase" Ramasamy


Dear "Copius water" giving house owner,

Mention that lorry water charges are apart from the maintenance charges

Ashwin "buying water to prove the copious water statement of the house owner" ramasamy


Dear "Veg Preferred" animal rights activist of an owner,

How about not extending that activism to microbes on the closets?

Ashwin " confused about the color palettes of closets in rented houses" Ramasamy


Dear "Bore well water" promoter,

Why not sell salt?

Ashwin "stung by the brine solution" Ramasamy

Dear "modern flat" owner,

When did vinyl doors for toilets become modern?

Ashwin " un-modernized yet" Ramasamy

Dear "Brahmins only, 45ooo p.m." flat owner,

Do I get 5K discount of every thread you can count on me?

Ashwin " stumped at the caste capitalist house owners" Ramasamy

Dear "vacating tenant" of a decent house,

Come clean!

Ashwin "frustrated at the lack of patronage for flush knobs in most rented houses" Ramasamy

Dear "mis represented as a different locality based house" owner,

Dont lie!

Ashwin "knows his geo location well enough to spot you" Ramasamy


Dear "Sunday morning 10 AM I can come sir" house owner

There is enough time to take bath and brush.

Ashwin " irritated by questions related to our cleanliness, asked by unkempt house owner" Ramasamy


Dear "Premium Lifestyle Apartment" builder

Don't lie. Don't delay. Don't hide. Don't rip off. Don't call late. Don't swap one more cool drink for trust.

Ashwin "wasted time with premium builders" Ramasamy

Dear "world class living space" seller

Metro bath fittings and wet toilets are not!

Ashwin "knows what's world class better than real estate sales man" Ramasamy


Dear "Gated community" general manager,

Dont wear a tie anymore.

Ashwin " salesmen with inappropriately worn ties on sundays in unconvincingly casual site offices sum it all up" Ramasamy


Dear "10 month advance, 18000 pm" house owner,

F... You!

Ashwin "caught off-guard by the greed of owners of unlivable houses" Ramsamy

Visit http://dearblankpleaseblank . Its an awesome stress buster.

8 of my fans were here!:

Anonymous said...

U shld jus stick on to whr u r rite now... chidambaram-bai combi.. is something u wouldn wanna miss!

Sriram on 12:09 PM said...


I can understand "Veg preffered" but "Brahmins only" ! Thank God it's not "sandhyavandanam & samithadhanam performers only". EKSI!

Joshimukard on 8:40 PM said...

I liked your usage of - Ashwin " keeping clothes in suitcase" Ramasamy kind of lines.

Overall enjoyed. Thanks Aswin "Blank" Ramasamy

Ashwin on 8:14 PM said...


I have a good mind to ask if these houses that ask for brahmins only, have thulasi madam and maatuth that I can be a true brahmin, cleaning their house with pasunchaani..

@ Joshi

Mikka Nanri Hain :)

Padmaja on 8:57 AM said...

lol! hilarious!

Ashwin on 2:43 AM said...


Thanks for coming..guess, after a while!

Jan said...

this one was hilarious!! our landlord insisted that they come and look at what we have done to their house....and then there was the email which said - "How will you feel to do it in your own house?" :))

Ashwin on 9:08 PM said...

@ Jan

Just inspected our house that was recently vacated. God..the toilet seats!!


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